You're my little dorito
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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