OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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