Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
