In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
