It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
