i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
