We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize