i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
