He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
