'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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