Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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