what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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