please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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