Umm I'm too high to move.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
