I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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