just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
