He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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