so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
