Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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