Christians are straight up FREAKS
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
