I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
