Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
