So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
