Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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