R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
