Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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