If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize