Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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