is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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