theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
