please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
