the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
