i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
