look no pants
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
