Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
