I wanna bring you to show and tell
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
