accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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