dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
