I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
