Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
