Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
