Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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