who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
