i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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