I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
