Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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