So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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