I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
