If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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