he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
