I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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