So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
