its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
