so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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