She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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