tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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