i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
