...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
