I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
