May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
