Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
