I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
