Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
